It feels as though I have awoken from a five year slumber and everything around me is just swampland. The damp, humid air so oppressive that even if the swamp I have woken in wasn't hard enough to traverse, then the air would make it miserably hard as well.
I just want something to make me feel good. And nothing does. It all feels miserable. At best, a temporary release from the unwavering misery that comes from years worth of cuts and bruises, ranging in size from almost imperceptible all the way to catastrophically large, gaping, bleeding wounds.
But right now? Right now I am staring a gator down as though he wants me to be his next meal, and yet it doesn't even feel like a threat. Key word being 'feel' in this situation, as it is very much a threat.
And this is its territory. The disadvantage is all mine.
Of course, letting the fucking thing eat me would potentially feel better than everything I feel like I've been going through for the past several years. Maybe it would kill me swiftly before eating me and I'd just become a part of nature the way few humans get the ability to do.
I could try to run, but the damn thing can swim faster than I can run and I'm right in the muck of it all. I could stand still and hope it is too stupid to realize I am edible, but honestly, the way it is look at me I think that option, too, is out the proverbial window. Maybe I could get lucky and climb a tree before it got me, but who knows if there is some snake up there that would take a quick bite before I'd have the unfortunate consequence of a slow death. I suppose it could land several bites and make the time tick by a bit faster.
Still, climbing the tree seems like the best option available at the time, and that damn alligator is slowly making his way towards me, doing his best tree trunk floating through a swamp impression.
I slowly reach my hand above my hand and grab what appears to be the sturdiest tree limb to help me start the lifting process. The bigger branches aren't until slightly higher up, so when I start pulling myself up the branch begins to flex significantly more than I'd like; however, much to my surprise, it supports me as I reach for a slightly thicker branch a foot or so higher.
One by one, I get higher into the tree until, at last, I feel like the predator on the hunt won't be able to reach me. The air around me clings to me like a wet blanket, and I can barely hold air in my own body with how miserable it feels. It isn't just the heat, it is how wet it all is. The alligator turns and starts heading in a different direction.
For the first time since awakening in this dense, sweltering, disgusting area, it dawns on me that I have no fucking idea how to make it back to civilization. I look around at my surroundings, but there is no distinguishing features to point me in any direction at all. I've never been good with finding my way out of the woods anyway, but at least all the other times I could blame myself for getting into it. This time, however, just feels like someone drugged me, put my body in here, then left me for dead before high tailing it the fuck out of here.
I try to figure out where the sun is at in the sky, but the trees block everything skyward save some slivers of cloudy, blue skies. Even if I could see the sun in the sky, I don't think there is a single way I could possibly know what time of day it was to know if it was rising or falling anyway, but I still feel like that is my best course of action. Plus, if I get high enough, maybe I could see signs of civilization; so I begin climbing higher.
Every grasp of a higher limb leads to more insufferable liquid being inhaled. How do creatures exist in this weather? I am sure a biologist could explain it to me, and it would make perfect sense, but right now? Right now I want to fucking die just to get out of this horrid swamp and the air I'm swimming through. Still, I have to hope I can get out of it and to the refreshing hospitality of air conditioning.
After what feels like an hour, but realistically has only been ten minutes, I arrive at a place I can see past the canopy of tree leaves and see enough sky to pinpoint the sun. I was right. I have no idea whether it is rising or falling, but the leaves are shading me just enough for the time being that I can rest here and watch the sun either rise or set in the distance without burning alive.
An hour or so passes by before I realize I've just been lost in thought. Remembering all the fucked up choices I've made in my life that led to this point – even if I don't know the exact path that got me here, I know I made choices that put me into the position that got me here. I can't blame anyone else for being who they inherently are, I can only control myself and choose to not put me in precarious circumstances.
And now that I can see the sun is for sure setting. Worst possible scenario, stuck in a swamp in the middle of the night with tons of predators with no sign of civilization anywhere near.
Then, just as I reach out to grab another branch to start climbing down the tree, I feel a pinch on the skin of my hand. Then another near the original pinch. Then I start to feel hotter than I should. I look towards my hand. Sure enough, there it is. The snake that is taking my life.
And the last thought that enters my mind as the life slowly fades away is, at least I came to the realization that everything is my own fault. I just should have made better choices.
-Dustin S. Stover
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